you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
