I got chris browned last night
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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