you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize