He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
