I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
