I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
