my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
