the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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