I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Also, beer. Big fan.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
