Got a toothbrush?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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