These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
