Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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