I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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