I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
