bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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