is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
