I puked a lego.
i was born a porn star she said
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
