Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
