Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
