hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize