I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
