i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize