need another drink. this is the easiest way
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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