Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
