The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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