I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
