I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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