I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
