Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
