Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize