when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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