pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I supernannyed him into submission
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
