My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
