this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
