We're like a lot better than the average bears
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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