Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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