if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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