She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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