I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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