you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
