Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My liver just had a heart attack.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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