That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
