I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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