If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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