i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
