Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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