the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize