I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
