you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
