god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
