I hate your face
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize