We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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