Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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