Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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