So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize