i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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