if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
