very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
