oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
