6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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