I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is Oprah even human
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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