It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
