Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
